I thought it about time that I gave you some background on myself. An insight into what makes me tick, and maybe a bit of an understanding why not failing as a father means so much to me. You see, I want you to understand what the real driver is behind me wanting to be the best dad I possibly can.

Of course I can’t deny that a large part of me wants to prove a point.  To show the haters and the disbelievers out there that we can do it, and do it well. Gays can be good dads. But if I’m honest, I know that this is more for my benefit than theirs. Because come on, lets face it, my children could invent a cure for cancer and the haters are going to find something wrong with that. I also know that, despite how competetive and stubborn I am…

For a moment my breath catches,

Stilled by the sight

And I remind myself to breathe, just breathe

For before me, so vulnerable, so perfect, so small

Lies the key to pure love evading us all

So trusting, so giving. I present you my son

And I realise right here is where life has begun

I promise you now, as your father I’ll be

Whatever you need, at that moment, of me

I’ll be your rock if you need it, or your shoulder to cry

Whatever you ask of me, son, I will try

But son if I fail, I ask that you take

Just a moment to tell me, before its too late.

For now that I’ve got you, my son you must know

As your father we’re bonded too tight to let go

Steven Ponder

6th June 2014

Ivan and I got together in early 2008. We’d known each other for about 4 or 5 years before that, but it wasn’t until both our circumstances changed that we opened our eyes and realised we wanted to be together. Forever. I’m not quite sure who he pissed off. Or just how bad he was in a former life. But he was stuck with me. Personally,  I couldn’t have been happier, he’s hot. And actually a really nice person too. He makes me laugh, he’s clever, and kind. And he truly cares for me. How could I be happier!

Then my sister Lorna aka ‘The Angel’ came along and threw that idea out of the window.

It was early summer of the same year that Lorna came and visited us. Now I can’t quite remember how the conversation started; maybe that’s down to child induced dementia, or maybe one too…